"It's not supposed to be easy. That's why it feels so fucking good."
I finally came to my senses with the help of a few friends who slapped me around until I let myself see what I was really doing, who I was really hurting.
I'm what I like to call a bit of a people pleaser. I thought for once I'd do what I wanted and not care about anyone else. Looking back, I wasn't doing this for me, I was just being a people pleaser in its most literal sense. I had myself convinced that what I was doing wasn't wrong because of judgmental reasons on my part.
Now I sit here laying in bed. Sleepless nights lead to exhausting days, which lead to countless naps, which in turn come full circle to more sleepless nights. I finally have something other than this shitty mattress to blame for my self diagnosed insomnia.
And now cutting all ties with the situation to ensure I stay moral is what I'm really doing for myself. As much as it sucks right now, I know it's what I need to do to get my life back on track. 25 was a good year for me. I don't want 26 to be the polar opposite. I've got 3 weeks to get my shit together and get my head back in the game.
"I'm not gonna follow my dreams, I'm just gonna ask them where they're going and hook up with em later."
-Thomas
