Last year in review

I'm such a terrible writer. Not in the sense that I don't write well, but that I don't write often. I haven't logged in to this site in over 2 years. On a more positive note, I'm in a much better mood these days. It seemed like my last posts were a bit depressing, and much of that stemmed from a girl. Since then I've met another girl, and dealt with all too familiar heartache that seems to come with it. I don't know if it's my age, or just ever dulling reaction to these situations, but I bounced back fairly well from that one. I'm not going to lie, it stung, but I took it as a lesson, and motivation to better myself and never looked back. Every now and then people mention her, but I don't seem to care anymore. I'm so focused on making me happy these days. Now don't get me wrong, I'm still a people pleaser and I love that shit, but I've learned that I don't always have to be one. I've been saving for a trip to Scotland this August and it's finally coming together. I can't wait to be over there, and experience that. Not that anything has presented itself for me to turn down, but I'm actually glad I will be experiencing this as a single man. It's not like I'm just looking to sleep with every woman with an accent, but I think it's just more the freedom of doing whatever I want without having to worry about how it is going to affect anyone else. The act of being able to be selfish without consequence excites me! I'm going with a couple close friends, and we're going to be there for a wedding. It sounds like it will be quite the extravagant nuptials, as well. When I get back, I hope to really buckle down on my saving and attempt to buy a house by the summer of 2016. However, if that doesn't pan out, Becca said I can live there forever haha. This weekend I'm going to Fort Worth to visit family and party a little. Seems mandatory when anywhere near JD & his friends. I look forward to the mini vacation. I've been staying quite busy lately. Not necessarily with work, but just plans in general. I guess it's my fault since I like to have things set in stone and not just up in the air. I'm planning Tim's bachelor party in Austin at the end of May. So far there are 9 of us going, so making plans is a bit pointless. The only thing I've got planned are the few bullet points Tim asked that we visit. It's gonna be a long weekend, but ridiculously fun at the same time. All my friends are getting married, starting families, and as much as I envy them, I'm not jealous. I love being single. Sure I miss companionship every now and then, but given the opportunity to rush a relationship I know isn't right, or staying single... I'll choose single any day. I enjoy my freedoms, and know that one day I won't be able to act as selfishly as I can today. Anyway, I feel like this jumped around a ton, but I kind of just wanted to say what I was thinking as it came to mind.

Blah

I feel like this has really become a means to complain. I used to write to entertain people, but lately I just use it to vent. Judging from my last post, I've been feeling this way for about a month. Coming from someone who is positive about 91.667% of the time, I'd call this a funk. I used to wake up and just know I was going to have a great day no matter what, but now I wake up feeling sad, or even angry sometimes. Why would I be angry the second I wake up? I used to make it a point to try and make everyone else's day by spreading positivity. For a while, I could see it working. I always said Positivity breeds Positivity, but lately I can't even pretend to feel positive. Maybe it's the fact that through all this spreading of positivity, I didn't really get anything back from it. I mean sure, seeing people smile and hearing their mood change is nice and all, but I guess in the long run it just drained me, or made me feel a little exhausted. Something has got to give. I need something life to change, for the better. My horoscope says I'm the biggest obstacle to my own happiness... ain't that the truth. Typically when I feel this way, I swim. Too bad I cancelled my gym membership & its too cold to swim outside. Whatever.

Boredom hath set in...

"Wow, it's been some time since I've written, but it's Friday, I'm stuck at work for 11 more minutes, and the majority of FBISD has gone home to enjoy their libations." he says as the phone rings.

Alright... now where was I? Anyways, I just feel the need to vent a little, or ramble, rather. I have become bored. Not in all aspects of life, but for the most part. I recently moved out of my parent's house into an apartment with 2 of my best friends. Man, since I've moved in, we've really set that place up to be quite the pad. We've got a projector that spits out a 10' image hooked up to our TV, Xbox, and N64... yeah that's right! We've got darts. We've got the Bimini Ring game that everyone at bars hates so much, but can't stop trying to master. We've even got a mascot. A fish named Leviathan. He's an Oscar. I couldn't ask for a better place to live. We get along great and there's really never a dull moment. With the exception of always being broke now cause I'm dropping an extra $500/month on rent. I just feel stuck. I mean when it comes to going out, we frequent the same places, see the same faces, and it's just so repetitious.  Don't get me wrong, being a regular has its perks, but I just need to get out, get away, do something different. I think a lot of this stems from my 4+ years of singledom finally catching up to me. I mean with the apocalypse just around the corner, being single isn't quite the best status to have on facebook.  Oh well, I just felt the need to blab a little. It's 5 o'clock & I'm about to go release the kraken, of the rum variety.

Pi

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Boston

Well Boston has officially been added to one of my favorite cities. A successful guy's trip would be an understatement. The food is good, the beer is better, and the people have been super nice.

I set 2 goals for myself on this trip; 1) climb, mount, and conquer Paul Revere's statue & 2) meet, mount and conquer a natural redhead. On the first night I was here, Tim & I were able to check my first goal off my list. Last night I checked off the 2nd*.

Why the asterisk you ask?! Well allow me explain. I walk into this bar in North Boston because I have to piss real bad. Now I normally wouldn't frequent this type of bar because it's comparable to Loggia or Blu. Well after taking a leak, I walk over to the bar to get a beer. Within seconds this brunette is pointing at me and smiling. I wave. A moment later I'm being greeted by her naturally-ginger, freckled- skin friend. She asked me how tall I was and I replied appropriately. She was hooked. Her friends took a liking to mine, but her eyes never left mine. She asked me the same 4 questions about 17 times. What's your name? Where are you from? How old are you? What do you do? That's when I knew she either had short-term memory loss or he was extremely intoxicated. I remembered her name so she granted me a kiss. It was sloppy but I didn't care. If you know me and redheads, you understand. We made out at the bar for at least an hour. That's when she invited me back to her place to hang out. I thought about it LONG & HARD but decided against it for 2 reasons; 1) My friends had all separated and I didn't want to leave any behind & 2) I didn't have a condom. Something about sleeping with a girl I had just met who forgot my name the better half of 20 times didn't sit well with me. I let her and her friends go, and got her number just so she wouldn't feel totally rejected. All in all it was a fun night and did wonders for my ego.

My Boston trip was a success. Now time for Vegas.

It's not easy being green

It's funny how you can go 6 months without seeing someone and just when you finally think you're over it all, they reappear in front of you and fuck up your entire mindset without saying a word. I've been fighting the urge to text her for going on 2 weeks now. No, I don't have her number... I deleted that months ago, but it's seared into my memory. Usually memorizing numbers is a gift, but in this case it's my curse. After the lying & manipulation and head games she put me through... I still for some unbeknownst reason don't hate her. Maybe it's the fact that I've never met anyone else like her. I know I don't want to be with her. I know my friends don't want me to be with her. I am in desperate need of a distraction. Don't get me wrong, I live a busy, fun & happy life... But why am I still hung up on this chick? Maybe she's a witch. Maybe I'm just lonely. Maybe it's the sheer fact that it's been 6 months since I've been with a girl. Maybe it's one-itis because for over a year I didn't hate this girl and now all of the sudden I am supposed to. Does she feel the same way? Is her head a mess right now?! Do I care?! I've been single for 4 years now... Why do I feel like I just got out of a relationship. "Don't get emotionally attached." they said... But I don't function that way. My brain is wired to care, to nurture & to fall head over heels for the one I am intimate with. Don't get me wrong, right now I wouldn't turn down a little strange. I am still a man, and a very single one at that. I just wish I could get out of this funk I've been thrown into.

Maybe Boston will be the cure... See you in 4 days you Irish fucks!!


Sent from my iPhone 4S

Childish Gambino - Heartbeat

I wanted you to know
That I am ready to go, heartbeat
My heartbeat
I wanted you to know
Whenever you aren't around, can't speak
I can't speak

I know what your boy like
Skinny tie and a cuff tight
He go and make breakfast
You walk around naked
I might just text you
Turn your phone over, when it's all over
No settling down, my text go to your screen
You know better than that
I come around when you least expect me
I'm sitting at the bar when your glass is empty
You thinking that the songs coming on to tempt me
I need to be alone like the way you left me
You start calling, you start crying
I come over, I'm inside you
I can't find you
The girl that I once had
But the sex that we have, isn't half bad
The text say that "It's not fair"
That's code for "He's not here"
And I'mma flirt with this new girl
And I'mma call if it don't work
So we fuck, till we come, to conclusions
All the things that we thought we were losing
I'm a ghost and you know this
That's why we broke up in the first place cause

It's late night Thursday
I know that you heard me
But you don't want the same thing
Well two can play that game
So I'm chilling with my girlfriend
But she not my real girlfriend
She got a key to my place but
She's not my real girlfriend
Stupid, so dummy
Say the wrong thing and wrong girls come runnin'
I'm paranoid that these girls want something from me
And it's hard to make a dime go one hundred
And my dude freakin' out over a worse fate
She on time, but she late for they first date
Cause he went and tried out all new condoms
Slipped off in a threesome, good problems?
Right? Wrong
Askin' him if she gonna play games
With the super smash brothers, but none of them you
I miss the sex when you kiss whenever you through
Sixty-nine is the only dinner for two
I was wrong, but would you have listened to you?
Uh, you were crazy
I got a heart, but the artichoke
Is the only thing girls want when you in that smokin' light

So we're done? This the real shit?
We used to hold hands like field trips
I'm a jerk, but your dude is a real dick
I read his posts on your wall and I feel sick
He ain't cool, he ball and all that
But he just a fake nigga who blog in all caps
You couldn't wait to date
I'm going straight for your thighs like the cake you ate
I give a fuck about the niggas that you say you hate
You know that I'm the best when I'm a-ffection-ate
I'm the best that you had, face it
J and Keyshia are related, racist
I give you money, then you burn it, like you made off
She ain't a killer, but she'd fucking blow your head off
I know he wondering, "What the fuck you hiding?"
That we dated like raps about Bin Laden
Ayo, fuck this
Are we dating? Are we fucking?
Are we best friends? Are we something in between that?
I wish we never fucked, and I mean that. 

But not really, you say the nastiest shit in bed and it's fuckin' awesome.