RenFest

So as anyone who really knows anything about me already knows, Halloween is by far my most favoritest holiday of the year. I thoroughly enjoy building my own costumes and watching them take shape. This year no one is really having a party though... besides the obvious one I'm not invited to. So I gave in and accepted Kristi's invitation to renfest. I am helping her with her wings, by making them close with a pull string and reopen with springs.

For my own costume I've taken some old little league football pads and I'm going to cover them in a faux-suede fabric and then patch on some deer fur I bought on etsy. I also have some fake bear claws I bought on ebay. I will be making a skirt of some sort to wear with the fur patch work on there as well. It's not exactly my style of Halloween party,  but I am excited for my costume!

Also, side note... training starts today. Someone grab the needle and thread, cause I'm about to be ripped!!

Closure

Well this weekend was pretty amazing to say the least. Friday night I got some closure to a situation that had been driving me mad.  I'm finally happy & ready to move on from it.

Saturday I went to Austin to see Incubus and my God do they put on an amazing show.  It was at the backyard in Bee Cave, TX.  Fall is setting in because it felt AWESOME outside... 70s with a breeze. I think I even got goosebumps for a split second.

I've got a pretty busy schedule this month, but I'm excited about it all. Isabelle & Mario are FINALLY getting married and afterwards, the Favors, Randy, & I are all going to porty/camp on the beach. I get paid this Wednesday, so I'm going to try and make sure we're all set for a night of pure awesomicity. I wanna make a fire & drink lots of beer & watch the sun come up with everyone.  I have another wedding the week after, then a baby shower & UH game game the weekend following that.... wow, that's weird to type; 2 weddings and a baby shower, I'm getting old!

Can't freaking wait for Halloween!!!

Swimming In Circles

I went swimming tonight for the first time in months. Last time I swam was with Timmy and I did 160 laps. Tonight I kept it to a mild 64. It was a last minute decision. I needed something to clear my head and swimming usually does just that. Well now I am laying in bed and all I can think about is her. It's been 3 days and I'm still completely in the dark about the entire situation. I took a lot of heat for her Monday and now I'm just waiting to figure out what happens next. I'm getting mixed reports from 3rd party people. I don't want to hear anything from anyone but her. I wanna be there to support her, but I can't because I told myself I wouldn't. I'm surprised I didn't sink tonight. I've felt so heavy hearted the last few days. I haven't had butterflies like this in what seems like forever, but it can probably be calculated to the last time I saw her.

Sent from my iPhone

Bittersweet - (adj) - Producing or expressing a mixture of pain and pleasure

Sunday was my 26th birthday. It was filled with family, friends, food, and all around FUN!! I was overwhelmed by how much love I was shown on this day. Little did I know it was just the calm before the storm. I was woken up Monday morning 6 minutes before my alarm was to sound. Abby was scratching at the door to get out. Since I don't like the smell of urine on my already dirty clothes piled on the floor, I jumped up to let her out.  How she gets into my room every morning is still a mystery.  After relieving my own bladder, I hopped back in bed to catch a few more minutes of sleep.  I glanced my phone over to see if any work emails had come through that needed my immediate attention, but none had.  My "messages" icon showed a tiny red circle with a 1 inside it. Someone had texted me while I was sleeping.  Oh, it was Jamie!! I open the message excitedly assuming its one of the occasional "Happy Monday" genre, but boy was I wrong!  She wanted to inform me of a situation that had come to a head the night before, and how it was basically all my fault. Now don't get me wrong, I am partially to blame for the whole situation to begin with... but I did not put down the straw that broke the camel's back.  I had cut all ties over a month prior & even made it a point to completely remove it from my life.  Well apparently my attempt at morality simply threw the situation into an inevitable tail spin which reached ground on MY birthday!!  Jamie was furious with me, others wanted to kill me... and some, quite the opposite. All in all I felt completely empty inside. The night before when I blew out my skewers, or as I like to call them "improvised candles", I made a wish that came true almost immediately.  But what I didn't know was that this wish was going to hurt quite a few people. One whom I care for a great deal.  I didn't write this yesterday because my conscience wasn't clear enough, but today I'm a little more stable.  Right now, I still feel a little anxious about it all. I'm quite in the dark on the details of what all happened, and where everything stands at the moment. Excitement has yet to set in, I'm not quite sure it will. I'm still a little nervous & confused.  I think once the dust settles, I'll have a better understanding.

Morality Bites

I like to think of myself as a fairly moral person. At least I used to be. Lately I haven't questioned them, only because there were none to interrogate. I knew what I was doing wasn't right, it just felt like it.

"It's not supposed to be easy. That's why it feels so fucking good."

I finally came to my senses with the help of a few friends who slapped me around until I let myself see what I was really doing, who I was really hurting.

I'm what I like to call a bit of a people pleaser. I thought for once I'd do what I wanted and not care about anyone else. Looking back, I wasn't doing this for me, I was just being a people pleaser in its most literal sense. I had myself convinced that what I was doing wasn't wrong because of judgmental reasons on my part.

Now I sit here laying in bed. Sleepless nights lead to exhausting days, which lead to countless naps, which in turn come full circle to more sleepless nights. I finally have something other than this shitty mattress to blame for my self diagnosed insomnia.

And now cutting all ties with the situation to ensure I stay moral is what I'm really doing for myself. As much as it sucks right now, I know it's what I need to do to get my life back on track. 25 was a good year for me. I don't want 26 to be the polar opposite. I've got 3 weeks to get my shit together and get my head back in the game.

"I'm not gonna follow my dreams, I'm just gonna ask them where they're going and hook up with em later."

-Thomas

Insomnia

Ok ok, the title is a bit off. Yes, I am still awake at 2am, but I'm also insanely tired. I'll likely be even more tired tomorrow since my boss will be at the office all morning. Not that pretending to work is that hard, but pretending I think he's funny at the same time can be exhausting. So why don't I just go to sleep, you ask! Because I feel like writing. I haven't written in a while and a lot has changed. Well not really, but I do feel like progress is being made in certain aspects of my life. I can't stop thinking about things and running it through my head over & over. I haven't "watched film" since HS football but right now thats exactly how I feel. Watching my next opponent play with a different team. All the while, I'm sitting back, taking notes on their habits, routines, and mentally preparing myself. Now I feel like I'm as ready as I'll ever be and I'm just waiting for their game to be over and mine to begin. Haha that was quite the analogy, but I hear I'm good at those. Ok, that's enough babbling for one night. Until next time!

Sent from my iPhone

It's June 1st, The kid's last day of school is tomorrow & Summer is officially underway. Sunday is my race, & after everyone eats my bubbles, I'm gonna get shwasted... at 9am!!

As for today, so far it has been pretty shitty. I have just been in a blah mood & had to make a moral decision that wasn't easy, but I know it was right. I'm typically a very ethical person who does anything to avoid bad karma, but recently I've been pretty selfish. I finally cut the cord and as hard as it was, it feels good. I know I made the right move. I've gotta do everything in my power not to go swim 200 laps tonight, cause apparently thats what I do when I need to clear my head. Probably wouldnt be smart with the race coming up so soon.

I'll end this on one of my favorite quotes:

"It wasn't meant to be easy... that's why it feels so fucking good!"

I need to write more

So, I just remembered I had one of these. It's been since November which is much too long... not that anyone reads this damn thing. I feel like I've been busy every weekend since then, but thats no excuse. Ok, let's get you up to speed. Thanksgiving was delicious, Christmas was very giving to say the least ;) New Year's Ever was belligerent. I had a good Martin Luther King Jr day. Valentine's day was lonely. Saint Patty's day was hella green and drunk. April Showers brought May flowers and now we're all caught up.

So the triathlon relay is a week from Sunday & I'm amped. I've gotten about 3 minutes faster than last year so I should kill it. Our cyclist had open heart surgery in January and has been getting back on the bike, & our runner has an Achilles injury, but he's dumb enough to run on it (his words not mine).

I'll try to shorten the distance between the next post.